To My Daddy

Dear Daddy,

I don’t think there is anyone in this world that I love more than you.  You would never even suspect that because of how emotionally awkward I am around you.  You drive me crazy but everyone says it is because we are so much alike.  I’d like to think that would be the only reason why we disagree about certain things.

When we fight we fight big but when we laugh, we laugh even bigger.  We can always crack each other up no matter where we are.  The best is when it is the three of us, you, Lou and I.  I am pretty sure we can laugh for hours and hours.   Those are my favorite moments, when we are making fun of EVERYONE else.

You are an exceptional person.  Besides the fatherly annoying things you do and say, that still holds true regardless.  You have your ways don’t get me wrong and I would never tell you any of this face to face because your ego is already through the roof, haha.  But you really have proven that there are selfless people.  I think it is so ironic that I could be a product of the most selfish person and the most selfless person that I have ever known.  I wonder what that actually makes me.  I know there’s a “self” in there definitely.

In my eyes, you sacrificed your youth (30s-40s) to raise your two kids without a break.  I never seen a man or a person dedicate his life to make sure his kids were financially, emotionally and even somehow maternally provided for.  You worked full-time, kept up the house, made sure we were in school, had curfews, rules, boundaries and were healthy.  There wasn’t a moment where you weren’t there for me or Lou.  You definitely define, “Father”.  Not just because you are mine.  Because you really did everything you could to make an unfortunate situation better.  Even if some things were just out of your control, you always did your best.

You are and were never bitter.  That is definitely where we differ.  You are more accepting of what comes at you whereas I am not.  That is a quality I wish I had and hope to get someday.  We definitely all have our faults but we are still a family.  And when push comes to shove, I know your there and you know I am there.

I remember how hard it was to trust anyone, when your wife abandoned us.  You kept at it though.  You never gave up, even now, you never give up on me.  Underneath it all, your still just a dude, who had some kids, but you took it seriously.  You made your family your life before us, with us and as we have grown.

I know you feel like you may not get the appreciation that you deserve but it is there.   None of us are great at showing it.  We usually like to tell every one else how great the other is, like it is a secret.  Just a habit we all picked up.  Great!  I am doing it right now!  I digress.

I definitely have taken you for granted on many occasions, from adolescence and from the turn of events in my early teenage years.  It was and even still is hard, to respond emotionally and affectionately because I guess I still haven’t gotten the past out of my system.  I’m working on it, Da!!!!!

Recently, though we have been having better conversations and I feel like you are even more supportive of my goals and ideas than before.  I guess, maybe I am finally reaching that level where we are both adults, and I am not longer just a kid and her dad.  I don’t know what it is really but I am not going to question it.  I like the way it is going.

I love you.

Lee