To Mother, Letter 4

Dear Mother,

You said that no one would ever love me.  You told me God would punish me.  I am not sure what I actually did to you.  Was it because you hurt me and I couldn’t accept the fact that you tore up my family?  That any sense of security had been lost because you made decisions that benefited your behalf.

You told so many people, lies.  They wrote me letters, they came up to me in local stores, telling me that I should speak to you, that I was wrong.  You left out the part, when I sat in the court room and you fiddled your boyfriend’s ear and laughed while I watched.  I stared at you and you didn’t come over to me once.  You didn’t look at me.  You were giggling with your support group and I was there supporting my father.  You didn’t come near me.  You didn’t fight for me or your son.  Yet, I was the one being harassed by your friends as if I had done something wrong.  I am sorry but I seemed to have missed something.  Were you there?  I know I saw you but it seems odd.  You had people send messages me on social networks pretending to be in my college classes just to get information from me or approach me in the past, then tell me what a good woman you were and how I need to talk to you because your upset.  I didn’t need that.  I didn’t need lies being spread about me.  You put the blame on me countless times and to this day, I still can’t see how.  I have the letters and the messages you sent me, saying that the blame is on me.  That you won’t take responsibility for not having any type of relationship with me and that I need to get over it.

You told your only daughter, your flesh and blood, that no one will ever love me.  I can get over it, but I can not forget that.  Tell me please, is that what makes you a good person?  Is that the person, they all have come to know and love?  Or are you still hiding behind the curtain?  Well isn’t this a horse of a different color.

The letters you send to my brother, he doesn’t even read, I do.  He can’t even be bothered but I want to know what state of mind you are in so I look.  And the most recent one was ridiculous.  It shows that you have not grown in the last 11 years and that this is a losing battle.  I am not sure if you will ever wake up and I am not sure if I will ever get closure.  There is still more time but as for now, nothing has really changed.  And I can’t say I am surprised anymore.

Someone loves me, I am just glad it isn’t you.

Lee

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About Lee

I am passionate, opinionated and I have no filter. What you see is what you get and what you read is what I wrote. Words are weapons and I am armed & dangerous. View all posts by Lee

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